America's Next Top Model: "The Models Get Branded"

America's Next Top Model: "The Models Get Branded"

Will another model go home?

This week, the girl’s are still reeling from British model Louise’s sudden departure from the competition. The Brits are crying, but the American girls seem to be more and more at each other’s throats. Particularly angry is 18-year-old Seattleite, Eboni, who doesn’t want fit into the little girl mold that Tyra assigned her.


They don’t get to stew in their anger juices for long because instead they get to sell things! Martin Lindstrom, a Brand Futurist (yet another title that can’t really exist), tells the girls that they will be selling products to determine how likeable they are. Remember this guy? He was on last season to call Sheena stupid and Angelea ghetto? Yes, there will be more of that now.


The girls are assigned to sell really inane things, like tissues that glow in the dark and a television remote that also serves a dumbbell. They have to create their own commercials, which in Modelland translates to blabbering at the camera until Martin tells them to stop. After they’re finished, the commercials are shown to a really-harsh focus group of consumers, who rip almost every model down.


Kyle, who does well with the panel despite her terrible performance, is berated by the other models because she can sell things with her girl-next-door looks. She storms out the room, and says that she, too, wants to go home and quit the competition. Miss J calms her down temporarily, but she’s not over it yet. Thankfully for Kyle, Annaliese wins the challenge, for being likeable in selling the remote/dumbbell.


Next, the girls have to pose for Nigel Barker (who is definitely not in high demand as a fashion photographer, after umpteen seasons on ANTM) next to pimped-out American cars and in swanky British hats and dresses.


In the panel, AzMarie wins best photo again for her butch aesthetic stuffed into a long dress and high heels. Runner-up is Laura for a pose that bitch judge Kelly Cutrone called “a drunk Mae West.” She looks really good, and actually gets on the ground to pose between the cars.


The bottom two are Brookylnite Candance and “fiercely real” Seymone. Candance can’t do anything but pout her enormous lips in photographs, and looked really, kind of nauseous in her photo, but tried out for the series eight times. Seymone looked like somebody’s wife in a parade this week, according to the judges.


Who goes? Candance, even though she tried out for the show EIGHT times. That seems like something Tyra should have and would have exploited, but she didn’t. What’s in store instead?